The New U.S. Peace Plan

Posted: July 29, 2010 by thesundowner in Uncategorized
You see a lot of people yelling for peace, but you hardly ever hear of a “real” plan for peace. So, here’s one plan:
  1. The U.S. will apologize to the world for our “interference” in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Kim Jung-Il, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, Ahmadickhead, and the rest of those “good ol’ boys” — we will never “interfere” again.
  2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, Japan, the Philippines, and wherever else they don’t want us.
  3. We will station all troops along our borders like all other nations do.  No one will be allowed to sneak through holes in the fence, or crawl like rats through tunnels into our country.  If they do, they’ll have to crawl through mine fields.
  4. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their shit together — or leave.  We’ll give them a trip home and deduct the bill — and the fines — from the subsidies we send to their countries.  After 90 days, the remainder will be gathered up and sent to Ahmadickhead in Tehran. He and the Ayatollah will welcome them with a firing squad… or a beheading squad.  Whatever!
  5. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days, unless given a special permit. No exceptions.  No one from a terrorist state will be allowed in — PERIOD!  If you don’t like it there, change it yourself and don’t hide here.  If you don’t like it here in America, then kiss my ass and get the fuck out of my country!  Asylum is not available to assholes who want to blow us up, or fly airplanes into our buildings.  We don’t need any more of your smelly asses driving cabs or cashiering in our convenience stores.
  6. No foreign “students” over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don’t attend classes, flunk the sons of bitches and send them back to where they came from!
  7. The U.S. will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy — but will require temporary drilling of oil in the Gulf Coast, the Alaskan wilderness, and along both coasts.  The caribou and the polar bears will love you for it and they will figure out how to cope.  Don’t worry about them: they’ve been doing this for millions of years, and they’ll figure it out for another couple million years.
  8. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil.  If they don’t like it, tell them to go have sex with themselves (in public) — with a drunk whore and a bottle of whiskey.  They can go sell their shit to Chavez or the Chicoms.  We don’t care.  The Saudis are running out of oil anyway.
  9. Oh!  You didn’t know about #8?  That’s another story… for later.
  10. If there’s a famine, earthquake, tsunami — or any other natural disaster in the world — we will not “interfere” with our compassion and humanitarian aid.  They can pray to Allah, the “Universe” or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen by their thugs in their military, or given to the “big wigs” in their governments.  The people who need it most get very little, if anything at all.
  11. Evict the United Nations and tell them to set up their headquarters in Tehran.  We don’t need their fucking spies and fair weather friends here anyway.  Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or a lockup for illegal aliens.
  12. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school.  That way, all you foreign bastards that don’t like us can quit calling us “Ugly Americans.”  You can also kiss our ass and pay your own way in the world and quit looking to us to bail your stupid asses out of the fuckin’ bind you got yourself into.
  13. The Language we speak is ENGLISH.  Learn it… or LEAVE.
  14. The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.”  She’s got a baseball bat and she’s yelling, “You wanna a piece of me, bitch?!”
Now, isn’t that one heck of a peace plan?
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